Author Archives: chloeroselilly

The shame that I felt when I found that telltale pink in the seat of my underwear for the first time was overwhelming. I was the first of my friends and didn’t have an ounce of the confidence that was required to traverse that milestone solo. I had spent the previous  six months trying fruitlesslyContinue reading “Half-Woman”

I sit now watching a couple through the split in their yellow-lit curtains, in the dance of domesticity  Ironed tracksuits and morning smiles sunny-side-up All the words unspoken, feelings unfelt, lips unkissed  Didn’t they learn that life is not a Christmas list?     Reality in monochrome; all these grey-cladded whites A hundred whiskered menContinue reading “Ode to the Suburbs (or Never Fucking Happy Pt. 1)”

This disembodied self Was I always empty and waiting to be filled? With your milk cries and more cries and mam mama won’t shut your eyes cries A blunt heel taunts the inside of my ribcage And you never stop your pink finger prodding, pinching, punishing A scream has aged long in the basement ofContinue reading “Surrender”

My mother and I shared a kiss only once. It was the cold middle of my eighteenth year and I was in love. I had spent a week sleepless, my clammy fingers clutching the edge of my green floral quilt as my heart raced and I counted down the hours until I could see himContinue reading “Incest”

Did I breathe you in? The salt spray of your bones, The gust that blew you over the frosted caps.   You fell from my hands: Grey, eggshell and sediment, And I felt the absence of you in that fierce opening between my collarbones.   I fell into the bitter blue And tried to feelContinue reading “Mother of my Mother”