I was told I was beautiful, once

I was told I was beautiful, once 

Loveless, void

I’m half the woman I thought

Stringy haired and bloodshot

I sit alone, walls blank

Nobody talks to me 

 

Not the right fit for anyone

My edges gouge and leave empty spaces

Leaves fall, dark purple like clotted blood

I’m chilled right down to my skeleton

Face awash with sour milk

 

Someone’s taken an eraser

And smeared my perimeter

There’s new skin that ripples and pools

I hadn’t thought it a bad thing

But it keeps you away

 

Am I your breeder, your whore?

(Surely I’m more?)

I remember love like a childhood mirage

Golden flecks where the sunlight

Gets in the way

 

Once I was held

This body not abandoned

Hurtling through space

An old model discarded

For a fresh breeze and an untouched waistline 

 

I could go a week, a month

No voice speaking my name

Surrounded by life but,

Lifeless, void

The greasy mark where skin once pulsed

 

I see you, I see a stranger

Could we have ever been

Known by one another?

Your ambivalence, your silence 

Saturating the seams of your face

 

Are these two splendid beings

Who have grown from the crack 

Between you and I 

The only fingers holding us 

Together

Published by chloeroselilly

Samples of my poetry, fiction and personal essays in amongst real life

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